The Treesies – Handing Out End of Year Superlatives
Welcome to the First Annual Treesies, the most prestigious superlative awards in the gaming industry. Basically, this is where I’ll hand out all of the awards that I couldn’t convince PlayStation LifeStyle to give out in a more official capacity. It should be noted that unlike the rest of the actual awards, these are purely my opinion rather than site consensus. So, if you hate the winners? Blame me!
Best Use of “Theme of Infinite” in a Game
Winner: Sonic Forces
Say what you will about Sonic Forces, but you can’t deny that “Theme of Infinite” is the best 2004-esque nü-metal track to release in 2017. I’d argue that it’s the greatest song to release this year (a close second would be Frank Ocean’s “Chanel”). Don’t believe me? Just look at this poetry:
Cause if you’re messing with me
I am a dangerous weapon
I am the sharpest of blades
I’ll cut you down in a second
Cause I was born in this pain
It only hurts if you let it
So if you think you can take me
Then you should go and forget it
Winner: Mr. Massagy
You know what? Everyone should just play Mr. Massagy. It’s the best dating game and Tinder parody on PlayStation 4, and it allows you to use your DualShock 4 to give yourself massages. It’s great, and an hour long.
Best Persona 5 Girl
Winner: Makoto (Persona 5)
You might be hot for teacher. It’s cool if you fall for the blond. Who hasn’t had a fling with an alternative doctor? But for me, there’s only one girl that’s always running through my day dreams. I’ll take the smart one that is able to carry an intellectual conversation over the rest any day.
Best First Half of a Game
Winner: Resident Evil 7 biohazard
I really wished that I liked Resident Evil 7 more than I did. The latest horror game from Capcom started off brilliantly, and I loved the early sections where the player was being chased by “Daddy.” They were utterly terrifying, and then the game became well, a Resident Evil game. That meant scavenging for puzzle parts, trying to conserve ammo, and running around a house. That was fine, but things all went downhill after I left the house. It basically became an action game like Resident Evil 5, but in first-person, and that’s not what I was looking for.
Best NieR: Automata Ending
Winner: Ending K
The logical answer would to say Ending E due to its uplifting message of hope and the emotional impact it has. However, the galaxy brain answer is a different one altogether. True enlightenment is found only if you eat mackerel and unlock Ending K.
Winner: Friday the 13th
I didn’t mince words when Friday the 13th: The Game released. In fact, I said it was “embarrassing,” and that it “shouldn’t have been released in the sad state it currently is in.” Thankfully, the developers really has whipped it into shape over the year. It’s still far from perfect, and is still a work on progress, but good on them for continuing to support the game rather than dropping the ball. That said, don’t release in that state.
Most Likely to Never See a Boob, But Rescue Puppies
Winner: Sleazy Tarashi
His first name might be Sleazy, but this well-mannered young man is anything but. In fact, the aspiring musician has never even seen a boob. That said, he likes to spend his off days rescuing puppies, and that’s a deed worth recognizing.
— Scott Strichart (@TriggerRedd) February 18, 2017
Thanks for checking out the first annual edition of the Treesies. You should probably check out the actual end of year awards.