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Daily Random: The Last Salesman

January 17, 2013 Written by Sebastian Moss

With the only big news of the day being a PS4 rumor, Daily Reaction’s Seb and Dan refuse to do another PS4 DR that soon. Instead, we throw off the shackles of rationality and enjoy the mad life of Daily Randoming, with a short short story and whole new year of yearbookage.

Seb:

Giles sighed. It wasn’t easy being a farmer these days: the economy had tanked, crime had soared and, if he had an accident, he doubted he could count on proper medical care.

What had happened to his great nation? When he was a kid life had been simple – you ploughed the field with your father during the day and were taught strong moral values during the night. That’s it. There were no complications. Modern life was all about complications and complexities, everything had to be done properly.

And the air – dear god, the air! It used to be so fresh, crisp, and almost sweet to the taste. Now it was bitter, acrid with the stench of smog. He did not enjoy this world, it had moved on while he had stood still. He felt out of place.

But he had a job to do; he had a crop to attend to. The market would open soon, so he began to harvest the mushrooms. Putting a sliver of meat at the end of a long rod, he herded the mushrooms into the pen, their long, skinny bodies cramming into the small enclosure.

Calmly, he closed the gate behind them and took out an axe. Giles swung it into the neck of each member of his flock, taking care not to damage the valuable mushroom caps that protruded from their skulls. One after the other they fell, their decaying bodies crumpling as the head was severed, their legs folding up beneath them as the final vestiges of life left them. He stopped, wiping the sweat from his brow.

That was the last of them.

Dan: I think the only step left is bringing back a cybernetic Billy Mays, but till then, I think our favorite blonde emo ninja has it covered. Click to full-size:

Would you let Raiden slice your cucumber? Would you eat Farmer Giles’ succulent mushrooms, as endorsed by that’s-not-Ellen-Page? Are you already missing the normal Daily Reaction? Are you annoyed with all these questions? Do you want them to stop? Let us know in the comments below by using your fingers to type, or click on Seb and Dan on Twitter to the miracle that is social networking.

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