Knights of the Rusty Downloads – PlayStation JapanStyle February 2013

Really, if you have to pick one thing that is the biggest of the big in Japanese gaming in February of 2013, it’s the 3DS remake of Dragon Quest VII. Now I know, I know, a lot of you will raise an eyebrow and be like “Whaaat? No way, I want Metal Gear Rising way more!” but see, I’m talking about what’s going to sell, what’s going to be talked about by half the people you know, and what’s going to be unavoidable as far as Japanese existence goes. These, for example, are the steps to the second floor of one game shop in town:

I always start Dragon Quest games, but I never finish them. It’s sad, because I don’t particularly hate any aspect, they just seem to go on for a while. Anyway, this is a PlayStation column, so let’s start talking about PlayStation things.

~News Bits~

King Arthur is one of the most legendary heroes among all heroes with legends (though ironically not an inspiration for The Legend of Heroes). The King, however, might just be rolling in his grave if he’s seeing this:

This is like something the anime club at your college thought of while getting totally baked. Here, the anime club was Idea Factory, and I’m convinced their staff has no need for baking in order to think these things up. This game is called Princess Arthur and stars most of the characters you might expect from something based on the stories of the Knights of the Round Table — however loose the actual basing might be.

In Princess Arthur, main character Alu gets to know the knights by dating them in classic dating sim fashion. This PSP exclusive will let you interact with a purple-haired Sir Galahad on March 28th.

~Game Releases~


After getting only some budget stuff on the 7th, Valentine’s Day kisses the PS3 with Lollipop Chainsaw: Valentine Edition, which these nice ladies are talking about here:

They probably wear those outfits a lot.

The 21st is when Raiden gets his Revengeance. Gamers can buy the regular edition for about $73 or the special edition that includes an art book, soundtrack CD, and display figurine for about $105. Why have your vengeance just once when you can have it again?

=And Now It’s Time for: Real Tokyo Conversations Between Heath And 1Up Editor-in-Chief Jeremy Parish=

Heath: “I didn’t even know revengeance was a word.”

Jeremy: “It’s not.”

Heath: “Really?”

Jeremy: “Completely made up.”

Heath: “I’m gonna go ahead and say that it is, because Kojima says it is. If he calls it a word, it’s a word. Kojima is the new Decider.”

=And this has been: Real Tokyo Conversations Between Heath And 1Up Editor-in-Chief Jeremy Parish=

A new Macross game and Dynasty Warriors I-Lost-Count arrive on the 28th, both of which are available in standard editions with standard prices, or premium editions with premium prices.


PSP has a big opening week with highly anticipated RPG Heroes Vs. and Sakura Sou no Petto Kanojo. The latter is a dating sim based on an anime series which will also have a Vita version, but given the size of the install bases and fact that PSP still gets loads of this genre, it would seem likely that the PSP version will handily outsell that of its younger brother. (And you can be sure both of them will be smothered by the 3DS release of Dragon Quest VII.) The 14th gives the PSP Battle Robot Soul, a robot action game by Namco Bandai, a screenshot of which is here:

On the 21st, it gets a slew of visual novels and dating sims, Desert Kingdom Portable being the most delicious sounding of the lot, though its victory is a narrow one over Le Fruit de La Grisaia. My French is rustier than my bike (see below), but I think that means “The Fruit of the Grisaia.”

The final release day gives the PSP Shining Ark, a sequel to the PSP-exclusive RPG Shining Hearts.


Vita began February with Romance of the Three Kingdoms XII, then next week sees the arrivals of Silent Hill: Book of Memories and Sakura Sou no Petto Kanojo, or “Sakura Villa Pet Girlfriend,” a dating sim which it shares with the PSP.

On the 21st, it gets more study software and a special DLC-loaded edition of Ciel No Surge.

The 28th is the day all Vita owners are looking forward to, and it’s not because of Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 Plus. This is the day when gamers can finally get their hands on the two biggest reasons to own a Vita — and then squeeze those reasons, and watch those reasons jiggle. Indeed, Senran Kagura: Shinovi Versus comes out that day, and I don’t know if it’ll be the title that finally makes me buy a booby game. Phantasy Star Online 2 hits Vita with a special package that costs 5,229 yen (or about $58) and includes special items and costumes. The download version is free to download and free to play, but I don’t know if I’ll be getting that because I prefer physical media. I like to know that I can trade things in when I’m done with them and get a return on my investment, but I can’t do that with a free download, so it looks like physical again for me.


So my bike was stolen last week. Normally, I’m a revengeanceful guy who would call the police and have them check the security cameras on the parking lot, and all that jazz. Show them Heath showing up with the bike at 8:00am, some other cat taking it away around lunch time, and there you go, we’ve got an image. Justice time! The problem is, I don’t really care. My bike was old — older than old. I can’t distinctly recall if any part of the wheels or chain was at all free from rust. It had no kickstand. The bell was broken. The handle grips were beginning to tear. The seat had a rip in it. And worst, it made a terrifying half-rattle half-grind sound when you started going faster than five miles per hour.

I had to take a hammer and smash off the on-board lock that most Japanese bikes come with, because I lost my key on the island of Naoshima, and I never bothered buying a new lock because I figured if someone really decided to steal this particular bike, well, he must need it more than I do. That, and I couldn’t imagine anyone stealing it. Perhaps the thief likewise couldn’t imagine anyone calling the cops over such a bike. If so, he’d be right and I’d be wrong.

Either way, I’ve been thinking “I should get a new bike” every time I mounted the old thing for over a year now, and I suppose this gives me my excuse. I really wish I were mad, because I feel like a justified manhunt would be something I would really enjoy; what hot-blooded male human doesn’t dream of being in a manhunt? But I just can’t work up the motivation over a bike as old and crappy as mine was. I hope the new owner gives it a good home. And then the bike breaks while he’s riding it.