The Japanese PSN will soon be getting a free version of Vita and PS4’s Dead or Alive Xtreme 3. The core of it is pretty much a demo: you can only play as Kasumi and can’t do casino stuff. You can then pay extra real money for access to new characters (approximately each $10 USD) and casino access (about $20 USD).
Sitting around a dimly lit room that smelled of sweat and sawdust, I asked a man in black if this was a good move. Adjusting his indoor sunglasses, he said it was a great move. The only sounds that followed were sips of his tea.
I mentioned that just buying the full game was like $40 at most shops, despite the suggested retail price being much higher. Wouldn’t players just buy the full game instead of spend money on this version? He said no, this would bring in even more dough. I didn’t understand until he gave me his secret weapon.
He said, “Give them titties, and they’ll spend every last dollar for more and more.”
As if reading my mind, he gave a demonstration. The cook came out and unveiled, right there, a full dish of titties.
“Once you enjoy the titties,” the man preached with gradually raising volume, “They can never stop!”
I then watched him motorboat a bowl full of titties. Unbeknownst to me, a bowl of titties had been placed right in front of my captivated face during this commotion. Intrigued, I lowered my face into the tittybowl.
The man in black was right. I had found something special here — something I could perhaps never get enough of.
I woke up by the docks with no concern for how I was getting home and not a thought as to how I’d gotten there. The only reason I even cared where my wallet was is because I needed money to buy more titties.
I wandered into the first place I found, a bar in “the bad part of town.” Even in a dive like this, the bartender took a look at the dark circles under my eyes and said, “Nuh uh, none of your kind in here! I’ll have no one tryina buy and sell no titties in my establishment!”
I backed out without conflict. I craved titties, but didn’t want any trouble. My look must’ve been signature of all titty addicts, because the shady character in the ally noticed as well, and was quick to offer me titties.
“I’ll make your dreeeeaaaams come truuuue,” he said, opening a whole cloth bag of titties. Without hesitation I handed him every last dollar I had. This was poor consumerism, because I was honestly not even caring about the amount of titties I’d receive in return. What can I say? I was desperate for titties.
I dove in like the man with the indoor sunglasses, face first into that bag of titties, savoring every moment. There was no going back.
But then I went back because I ran out of money.