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Daily Reaction: A New Journey, Old Ninjas, Zombie Thrillers and Other Failed Game Pitches

May 9, 2013 Written by Sebastian Moss

ofcoursekazsfeetarebig

After having worked in the industry for quite a few years, Daily Reaction’s Seb and Dan are often told secrets and game news long before it becomes public knowledge. Today, we want to share some of these secrets with you – our favorite failed game pitches we’ve heard from game developers, and didn’t totally just make up.

Seb:

Dish Honored:

dishhonored

Dev pitch: Here at EveryGameCompany, we know that women only play FarmVille or Cooking Mama, but we wanted to get them interested in last year’s smash hit, Dishonored. So we thought “what do women enjoy doing?” and the answer was so obvious our all-male dev team didn’t even need to ask a woman. It’s washing dishes of course!

Jak and Dexter:

jakanddexter

Dev pitch: Everyone knows that ‘kiddy’ games don’t sell anymore and that gamers today love violence, so we’ve teamed up with Showtime to add a bit of bite to J&D. This game will contain lots of blood.

Raynman:

raynman

Dev pitch: So we were watching Tropic Thunder, and it struck us – if we want the shallow Hollywood industry to recognize us, we need to pander to Oscar clichés. Sure, Nazis didn’t work for us, but disabled people are still an untapped goldmine of award potential. And think of the RayRayban merchandising potential!

The God of War Delusion:

thegodofwardelusion

Dev pitch: Kratos has managed to defeat pretty much every Greek god and mythological creature, so gamers think he’s essentially invincible. But what about atheists? We’re bringing on the talent of Richard Dawkins to create a game where the enemy doesn’t acknowledge the existence of Kratos and simply spouts facts.

The Adventures of Sully:

sullyiedmypants

Dev pitch: The star of the Uncharted series is clearly Nathan Drake’s sweetheart Sully, so it’s only fair he got his own game already. Includes riveting stairlift chases, respirator action and sullying oneself.

The Last Guardian:

thelastguardian

Dev pitch: Actually, you know what? We’ll probably develop something else instead, bye.

Dan:

Mexican Borderlands:

MexicanBorderLands

Dev Pitch: In our game you play as Merican, a red blooded guy who is hellbent on keeping people out of his side of the wall for fear of them stealing the jobs he knows he can’t or won’t do. He will traverse the terrain destroying pinatas and collecting the various types of candy from within. We will also have an engine that randomly generates candy with and without chili, and our main character will be followed by a man trying to sell him things every time he stops.

Plants vs. Plants:

PVP

Dev Pitch: With the success of Plants vs. Zombies and the booming need for people to be more green, we are bringing the best of both worlds in this eco friendly duel of wits.

Journey – Starring Journey:

Only If

Dev Pitch:

Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night.
Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to the feelin’
Streetlights people
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to the feelin’
Streetlights people

So we have a deal?

The Moonwalking Dead:

Too soon

Dev Pitch: Imagine you are running for your life from a horde of ravenous zombies then suddenly out of the darkness one jumps at you. Instead of lunging at you, it grabs its crotch and lets out a bellow summoning its minions – only to thriller walk you to your doom.

The World vs. Scott Pilgrim

Scott Pilgram

Dev Pitch: The world, pissed off after hearing Scott Pilgrim saying he took it on, takes Scott head on in a fight to renew its honor and shut that emo brat up.

 Nunja Gaiden: Confession is Over

NUNJA

Dev Pitch: Having survived a tragic incident at her church by hiding in the confession booth, Sister Ryuu, armed only with a really sharp ruler, travels the world smiting anyone who crosses her or the man upstairs in a search for the monsters responsible.

Would you have liked to see any of these games get made? Have you heard of any other failed game pitches that you’d like to share? Let us know by failing in the comments below, spectacularly failing to email us at DailyReaction@PlayStationLifeStyle.net, and epically failing to follow us at Seb and Dan.